MGE: Wormhole Ch.9

 Excerpt:

With an aching body and spotty memory, Jason wakes up knowing full well that his last portal encounter could have gone much, much better.  Also, Jason wakes up to find that he has company...

This fan fiction is based on Monster Girl Encyclopedia.  Read more on the universe here: https://monstergirlencyclopedia.fandom.com/wiki/Monster_Girl_Encyclopedia

Disclaimer: I do not own Monster Girl Encyclopedia, all rights go to Kenkou Cross

Warning: Content for mature Audiences

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I found myself struggling to stay awake. If not for the fogginess in my head and the excruciating pain over various parts of my body, I may have qualified for being in below average shape. But of course it just had to be worse.

Call it instincts if you want, but somehow, I was wandering around aimlessly, presumably away from the battle with the Skarliks. 

My memory banks were still glitchy. I remembered when the fight started, but after that, I only remembered bits and pieces. Fitting, since I felt like I was broken into bits and pieces, so parts of my brain were probably with the parts of my ass that had been broken off. I wondered where I was, where I was going, and who was taking me there. Oh right, that would be me. I'd been drunk so many times that I couldn't tell the difference anymore.

Finally, I collapsed on the ground. I don't know how far I'd gone or how long it took to get there or if there was a pay toll involved, but my body finally decided that this was the end of the line. In the nice, sleepy little town called Middle o' Nowhere; right next to Bumfuck Lost.

I may have been exhausted, but I still could figure that the battle had not gone exactly as planned. But in case I was too stupid to figure it out, my ribs, legs, back, head, and arms were definitely shouting some clues at me. Fuck the fact that I was seething in pain; I needed a rest more than anything. There would be plenty of time to cuss in agony later.

Drifting in and out of consciousness, I tried to remember what the hell happened during the fight. Not much luck; the pain was too distracting and there was still too much water on the brain. Fortunately, I could still bad mouth myself on the inside for ending up like this. I even wished I had Veina with me right now. To be able to tell her any more regrets as they came to me. But that was probably just the grogginess talking. At least this predicament couldn't suck any more. However, the approaching thunder and subsequent raindrops had something to say about that.

Nice touch. Somewhere there's a Ryu I owe a punch in the face.

Ripping me from my semi-slumber, I found myself moving again. Dammit, I hate when the engine's running but no one's behind the wheel. How does that hap-

Hold up. I must have shakened enough cobwebs out of my head to realize that I wasn't moving on my own accord. No, I was being carried. But I was still too pooped to make out who was kidnapping me away from my wet, miserable after-battle party.

Oh well, I'll just go back to sleep. If they were going to torture me, I hope I sleep through it.

—–

I abruptly woke up with a jump. Well almost a jump as I didn't move very far from the bed I found myself in.

"What!? Who!? I-I, Where!? uh-" I sputtered, trying to re-embrace the world of the living. My brain must have rebooted back into frantic action mode where it left off.

"Oh, oh my... you're awake. It's okay. Calm down, sir" came a soft voice next to me.

After I regaining my senses somewhat, I looked over to my left to the source of the kind voice. There stood a beautiful, pale-skinned woman dressed in a kimono-like apparel.  It was only a little more white than her skin, with purple highlights decorating it.  The big tacky bow just below her chest and comically wide sleeves were a peculiar sight. Her pearly hair was as white as her wardrobe, trimmed in the front for her pretty facial features to shine through.  It reached down to a purple skirt of sorts on her bare hips and belly. I would have thought her a whimsical angel... except I damn well knew that an angel in this world looks like lolicon-bait.

"I feared that you might never wake up. I'm relieved you did" she said as she felt my forehead with a caring look in her eyes. There was such softness behind them, even more than I'd seen in Veina's. Though her iris' weren't quite as red as Veina's and she also had white scleras as opposed to Veina's black scleras.

"Gee, thanks mom" I said. My sarcasm was always the first thing to boot up. Old faithful.

"Pardon?" she asked. Obviously a gentle person like her wasn't used to the witticism of a mouthy bastard like me.

"Okay, so you're not my mom. Then would you mind telling me who you are and what I'm doing here?"

"Oh... O-Okay... very well. Uhh... hi" she said awkwardly. It was kind of cute to see her fumble with her manners through her clearly shy nature. She bowed properly, then presented herself in a modest pose that showed off her tremendous grace and elegance. "My name is Sateen. I'm a shrine maiden for this region's Ryu, Lady Cheishu. I was raised in her shrine which I've come to think of as my home. I enjoy serving there"

Oh geez. She's going to ramble isn't she? I just woke up and she's already gonna put me back to sleep.

"Hey, you don't have to read off your resume, el blanco. Just tell me what's going on here?" I interjected.

She looked unsure at how to respond to my choice of words but seemed to understand the meaning behind them.

"Very well, but I said my name is Sateen". I rolled my eyes. "Lady Cheishu had sent me to return a whip and bondage cuff that a lovely Dark Elf and her husband had left behind at her temple when they departed. I could tell by the look in their eyes when I returned it to them that they were quite precious to them. It did my heart good to see-"

"Details, details! Just summarize!"

"I apologize. Well, I was on my way back to the shrine when it started to rain. I enjoy the rain but thunder frightens me, so I began to hurry. Along the way, I came across you just off the road. You were unconscious and badly injured. Strange, since this is such a lonely path without a village around for miles. No one could assist me, but I wasn't going to leave you alone, so I brought you here"

Hmm. Stronger than she looks; enough to be able to drag my hefty ass around.

"And where is 'here'?"

"A simple hut that travelers use for shelter"

'Simple' was right. It was just a nine square foot shack housing an old stove, a bed, a wooden hutch cabinet, and a chair with little room to walk around.

"How long was I out?"

"About ten hours since we arrived"

Fucking hell. I've had drunk comas shorter than that.

"I'm sorry that I couldn't make you more comfortable" she said full of remorse as she looked at the ground. Timid, ain't she?

"Aw, it's not that bad" I said, sparking a more elated expression on her face. "There is, however, one thing that's bugging me"

"What? What is it?" she said with a caring kind of agitation.

"Why did you feel the need to tie me up?" Since I woke up, I hadn't be able to move an inch thanks to some unforeseen force under the blankets. The only parts of me still free were my head and feet. "Thought I was mad-dog with a bounty on my head?"

"But... I didn't tie you up" Sateen said innocently.

"Well then why can't I-". Then it occurred to me; she was a very lovely girl with an equally striking bust who's bottom half I couldn't see because of the edge of the bed was blocking her bottom half from my view. Those long pointed ears of hers were a blatantly obvious hint that she was more than just a good Samaritan. 

I decided to use my fingers to lightly tickle the constraints currently holding me. As I kept my eye on Sateen, she fidgeted in place, trying to suppress a giggle as I felt the constraints erratically jitter. 

You know... those purple highlights on her kimono looked vaguely serpentine. 

Elementary, my dear Watson. And it still took too long to piece it together, you bloomin' half-witted detective. 

"Pull these covers off" I demanded. 

"But it's cold in here" 

"I'm telling you, pull them off" I demanded again. Her hesitation fueling my eagerness. 

"Certainly" she relented as she grabbed ahold of the blanket and gently yanked. 

I knew it. I was tightly encased in a white-scaled snake body larger than a stack of swimming tubes. And I doubt that it was a stylish straitjacket, though I probably belonged in one at this point. 

Well, at least that explains how she car-pooled me here. She's definitely stronger than she looks. 

"So I'm not tied up, huh marshmallow?" 

"Well I didn't tie you up!" she stammered. 

"Then what's this; king-sized string cheese?" I fired back. 

"It was the best I could do to make this place more comfortable" she said as she rose up enough for me to see the snake half below her hips... her incredibly curvy hips. 

"The blanket wasn't comfy enough, so you had to make a Korean donut out of me?" 

"This?" Sateen said holding up the tethered and torn cloth. "Just look at it. It wouldn't have done much to keep us warm. I needed you for that... Oops" she said, reflexively covering her mouth at her clear slip of the forked tongue. 

"Wait. Who's keeping who warm?" 

"Well... you see..." she blushed as she began to bite her finger like a child, bracing herself before speaking. Her naturally white skin made the redness growing on her face all the more prominent. I'll admit, she was absolutely adorable when she was nervous. "Unlike warm-blooded humans, my kind's bodies need more warmth than usual. And since this hut isn't well maintained, there was no supply of dry firewood left inside. So I didn't have any other way of keeping myself warm enough to be able to care for you. I'd nearly freeze up if I didn't"

She had to spoon me, in her own way, just to stay functional? It's so crazy that I just had to believe it. With all the rain, there was no new dry wood to make a fire with. So she found some other wood to stoke a fire on.

"Odd. You said you like rain but wouldn't it make you freeze up?"

"Well... as a Shirohebi, water is fundamental for us, so rain is welcomed. However, the nearby chilly mountains have made the rain in this area much colder than I am used to. I find it much less pleasant than usual"

"Ahh, I see. No built in furnace in here either, I'll give you that. But you really found embracing a soaking wet comforter like me to be warm?"

"Actually, you were wet and freezing only when I found you. I dried you off after I undressed you and-" 

"Stop! Back that up a bit! You undressed me!?" I shouted. The anxiety within me building more and more as my mind dwelt on that new revelation.

"Of course. I hung your clothes over there" she said pointing to my coat, pants, shirt, and boots off to the side on a clothesline. I even noticed my socks and... briefs hanging on the line. 

What? Oh shit! 

"You took off my underwear as well!? Then I'm actually buck naked under here and you've been cradling me this whole time!?" I exclaimed as I became erratic by the sudden intimacy I was apparently having with my rescuer. 

"Well they were wet, too" 

That means that I was 'shrunk' at the time she saw it. Fuck!

"And that was your best solution? Didn't you think that this might be just a little bit jarring for me when I woke up!? Maybe I'm crazy but when I wake up naked, tied down, and at the mercy of a rescuer and kidnapper in a shack with no witnesses, I have all the chill of Satan's testicles" 

I was afraid I might be living the film "Misery"

"Sorry, but what else could I do? And I'm not a kidnapper!" 

"You didn't do anything weird while I was out, did you?" 

I checked. No, I was still flaccid. 

"Of course not. Why would I take advantage of someone who needed my help? How cruel" she said, clearly hurt by my accusation. 

The sadness in her eyes and the grief in her tone brought rest to my unrest. She wasn't toying with me like those nefarious predator-types that I've had to jump through hoops to avoid. Her charming presence was much too humble to be one of those types. Now I felt like a real shithead for accusing her of that. Like bitching at a charity worker. 

"Alright, my bad. I believe you. Don't take it personally. My mouth doesn't speak for me sometimes. I've just had a rough day, as you can imagine" I assured her, my guilt now calming me down even more. 

Her misty eyes pleaded with mine for pardon. "I'd never do something so... savage. Never. Do I look savage to you?" 

Man. Her sensitivity took me completely off guard. When I wake up to find myself immobilized, self preservation is top of the list. I always ready myself for the trouble around me, but I didn't count on finding a girl with some common sense along with a little decency. 

"No, far from it, dear. My default mode is defense mode. Thanks for not groping me like a poon hound. You got more class than most monster broads I've met" I consoled her. My compliment was mainly to cheer her up, but it stood true. 

"Oh, you're very welcome, sir! I'm happy to please you"  

She beamed with a new-found cheerfulness that can only be described as extreme relief. Clearly, she loved her job. But I didn't plan on taking advantage of that "happy to please" slogan. 

"Don't mention it. But you've got to admit that this is pretty damn awkward, you know? You had met... that before you actually met me. You've even been touching it for quite a while now" 

"...Yes" she said with a slight curl of her lips. Her eyes dreamily gleamed as she tightened her coils up a little bit, pressing more against my manhood. 

"Are you smirking?" I said, slitting my eyes at hers. Maybe there was a little trash in this classy dame. 

"Oh, no, good sir!" She had suddenly regained her composure as she returned to her elegant posture.  

Hoping that I didn't notice her amusement, eh? 

"Well that shade of red you're sporting isn't because you've been standing too close to the furnace. Now snap out of it" 

She grew more perplexed by my awareness of the teenage syndrome she found herself in. 

"Sorry, good sir". Her composure degraded into an increasing panic. "It's just that... th-this is the closest I've ever been to a man before. Do you find it discomforting?" she asked fearfully while unknowingly tightening the muscles in her coils with yours truly right in the middle. 

Fucking hell! Not what I wanted her to do. Her hold on me grew so tight that I couldn't even breath, let alone make a bad joke about realizing how breath-taking she really was. My face was turning almost as red as hers and my bones creaked in ways I wish I'd never heard. With no voice available, all I could do was signal to her with my ever-bulging eyes that, yes, it was becoming very discomforting. 

She froze in shock and shuttered upon realizing her own strength. "Oh my goodness! I sincerely apologize! Are you okay!?" Her serpentine body returned to a more soothing embrace. 

"Bigfoot's ass-crack, I'm okay! Watch it, will you!?" I heaved as I caught my breath.  

"Oh, darn! How could be so careless! When I think about what I've done to you and your beautiful body-" 

My 'beautiful' body?

"Now don't go into hysterics, snowflake. It's no big deal. I've lived through worse that that. And this isn't my first time cosplaying as a pig in a blanket. Despite a little deja vu, this actually feels better than the last time I was wrapped up by one of your kind. And no, as a rule, I don't find this uncomfortable at all. Just as long as these 'blankets' don't try to turn me into mush" 

Sateen's thick, scaly body really did feel great. Not my first time snuggling with a boa constrictor but fuck, this was much more comfortable than last time. Her scales weren't rough at all; they were smooth as marble. It was one of the most fine and pleasing textures that I had ever felt. Rubbing up against them made it seem like I was sitting in a hot tub or a sauna except without the thick steam. She sort of shifted her coils around a bit and snuggled around me more, which only added to the feeling of being engulfed in water. But at the same time, I was never really cool or hot because the feeling was never consistent. It kept changing in a rapid rippling wave that I just couldn't get a fix on. Whatever it was, I liked it. The effect it had on my muscles was refreshingly welcome after wandering around in that pain-filled haze earlier.  Come to think of it, if I wasn't short of breath, I would've forgotten that she nearly crushed me fifty pounds thinner. The transition from pain to tranquility was almost immediate; no lasting damage. Why? Who gives a dick. How? That's what I'd like to know. One thing was for sure, it couldn't be magic, at least not in the traditional sense. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to feel it. I'd just feel like a mouse at the wrong dinner table. 

"Really?" she mewed, with a tiny spark of happiness in her voice. 

"Yeah, no doubt about it. Last time time I felt like a well rung-out rag after I was released. Though all that 'crunch time' did help me win that sexiest guy thing in Gamberton" 

Sateen gasped. "That was you!? You were the man who won the contest this year!?"

"Unfortunately yes but it wasn't my idea. I got steamrolled into that. But I'd much rather take a nap here than do that whole thing again. This feels much better. Like being in a nice, cool tub of water. I just would have preferred not being naked as a newborn under here. Would have packed my bathing suit if I'd known ahead of time" 

"Oh my goodness! How could, I-I should... b-because... I... you're..." she stuttered, tying her fingers into all kinds of knots. 

"What? What wrong?" 

"I never met a former winner of Gamberton's most esteemed contest before! I wasn't able to attend this year, but h-here you are... with me holding you! It is my absolute honor to serve you. Oh gracious, how could I have damaged such a sacred body like yours!? By all the gods, I'm sorry! Please just let me continue to serve you. I swear it won't happen again! Is there anything else I can do to make you more comfortable?" 

"Yeah. Calm down" I said flatly. 

"Yes, right awa- Pardon?" 

"Calm. Down. I want my captor in the right state of mind" 

"Okay. I'm sorry, sir" 

"And stop calling me 'sir'. It's driving me nuts" 

"Oh. I'm sorry" 

"And stop saying 'sorry'" 

"Sorr- Oh..." she said as I corrected with her an assertive glance. She then nodded her head. 

"Now we're getting somewhere. Seeing how we've reached the casual stage, would you care to let me go? As much as I'd like to, I can't afford to sleep any longer" 

"But you're clothes are still damp. And I don't want you to be cold. Nor do I" 

Sateen's accidental attempt on my life earlier didn't bother me that much. I found her mellowness too freaking adorable to be mad at her. I may have been playfully annoyed but, at the same time, I was fascinated by her dedication and manners. With all the verbal diarrhea that came out of my mouth, those kinds of qualities sure as hell eluded me. But being who I am, I couldn't help ponder what her breaking point was. 

"Oh fine. Keep running your 'laps' around me. Wouldn't want a snake-cicle to have to thaw out. But only for a little longer" 

"Uh... okay. Thank you" she whispered sweetly. "Is there something else I can do for you?" 

"Sure. Tell me something"  

"Of course" 

"Why did you stop for me? Much less nurse me back to health?" 

I'd been waiting to finally get past the formalities to ask that question. 

"You needed help. Why would I just leave you out there to die?" 

"I was a stranger,  I could have been a thief or a killer with a hankering for some snake-skin boots. Or even a rapi-" I silenced myself since that last point was probably not going to support my cause. "What I mean is that I could have been bad news"

"Yes but... I wanted to help you. All I could think about was getting you to safety. It would have been wrong and selfish to leave you like that. So, I guess... it didn't occur to me?" she intoned with an impish shrug. 

"'Didn't occur to you'?" 

"No. Like I said, your safety was what I cared about. It was a time of need" 

"Or an opportunity. Most mamono wouldn't have hesitated to snatch up a blacked-out dude and pump away to their cunt's content. And Lamia have a certain raunchy reputation, you get me? They're not going to make anyone's Top Shirley Temple Impersonators list" 

"Uhh, yes". She blushed hard again as she tensed up and rubbed her arm shyly. "My species is widely known for their extraordinary thirst for pleasure and I'm no different. The urges I've felt as a Lamia are likely greater than other mamono you're met" 

"Try me" I joshed as I thought of the carnal giant named Veina. 

"But my... desires, no matter how strong, could never out-weigh someone else's well-being. Not in my eyes" 

Wow. This was a new experience for me. Most mamono I encountered were so flirtatious and predatory that I would have thought Pornhub's VR software, "Hootilicious", had become the new American dream. Veina was the head cheerleader for that scenario. With their carnal instincts, mamono would never pass up a free ride on the sausage grinder. It's where the term "boy-toy" came from. But even though Veina's sweeter side had softened my attitude toward mamono, having a beautiful, immaculate, half snake girl show this kind of selflessness was one hell of a curveball. This advantageous position she had me in had left the ball in her court but she made no move against me like the lady of virtue that she was. Now don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure I saw her smirking earlier. She wasn't just any mamono, she was a Lamia; one of the fastest "hot-to-trot" species of all. Always looking to be the bun to a guy's hotdog. 

How sad is it when not being raped is uncommon? 

Even with those odds, Sateen seemed too bashful to be a skank in saint's clothing. I felt comfortable around this girl. The gentle demeanor exhibited by her seemed to put most of my worries to rest, apart from her little slip-up. Her motherly persona combined with the softness of her personality made for quite a calming atmosphere. Between that and Sateen's comfy embrace, I almost felt like going to sleep again. 

Now, her enticing body instilled the complete opposite effect inside me. She was stunningly beautiful. That thinly angular face with angelic, 'nothing to hide' eyes as well as her slightly pointed nose would be sexy enough for any guy. But besides her captivating face, that lean waist and striking hips only made her impressive breasts all the more exhilarating. They were particularly effective at getting my mast ready to set sail. Her scales on her snake half were impressively pristine, only adding to her seductive quality. The nearly nine meters of white muscle and girth only meant more of her to get tangled in, and oh, how the guys love that. One afternoon with Sateen could squeeze the Ophidiophobia out of anyone. 

So it was pretty a fucking conflicting situation. A young, sexy, horny woman who has the motherly nature of woman well above her years. Disconcerting to say the least but hey, in my time I knew guys who rather enjoyed a warm glass of MILF before bed. 

"Well, if you knew me better, you might not think I was worth it" 

"I could never regret saving someone. Life is too precious to ignore" she said sympathetically. I simply gave an unconvinced sneer as I nodded my head. "May I ask what happened before I found you?" 

Spread the poison of my situation around? I don't think so. 

"Long story. Complicated. Embarrassing. Stupid. And frankly, I don't believe it myself. Let's just say that I got myself into a fight that didn't exactly go according to plan. At least I don't think it did" 

"You don't remember?" 

"Just random stuff here and there. It's kinda hard to concentrate right now. I need some relief. Want to help me with that?" 

"Oh..." she said meekly as her deep red blush returned. "Okay. It would be a great honor to lay with 'The Sexiest Man of Gamberton'. But you should know, I don't have any experience with pleasuring a man. But nevertheless, I will allow you to use me however you wish. Please be gentle" 

"Sure. No problem. I rea- Hang on. What was that you said?" 

"Aren't you asking to have sex? If so, I do hope you find me satisfying enough" 

Not this again. 

"No, certainly not! Do I look like a pent up sailor needing to scratch the sea salt off his balls?" I patronized her. 

"Well, it's my understanding that men greatly enjoy sex" 

"The first thing you think of when someone asks for 'relief' is your girl parts? Use your head!" 

"Very well. I'll use my mouth" 

"...Wh-What?" 

"I'm not disciplined in oral pleasure either but I will try my best" 

"Oh for the love of fuck! What's the matter with you?" 

"You asked for use of my head. It's because you wish to release your male needs and desires upon me so you can feel better. Isn't that what you're asking for?" 

Using her head, huh?

As usual, she didn't have a fucking clue but was still rather cute in her naivete. After briefly staring dumbfoundedly, I responded, "No. No, I don't" 

Her eyes lowered in a dejected manner. "I understand. Are you more into other men?" she sighed. 

Compassionate, yet rude as all hell. Next thing, she'll ask me how often I masturbate. 

"Calm your tits, girl! Haven't mamono ever heard of 'right to privacy'? You want a record of the amount of jizz I've fired out in the past five years, too? That's my own damn business! Get your brain out from between your leg-yyyahh-uhhh back into your skull!" I stupidly corrected myself. "I'm not wanting sex. And for the fucking record, I am into gals; cute ones like you. But my whole life doesn't revolve around who I'm going to 'join the loin' with next. I don't bang anyone I just met, like some overpaid celebrity. Well, okay, there was that crap I won in Gamberton, whoopity fucking doo, but nevermind that! I'm not some pimp with an STD biting at his ass, that's my point! All I want is for you to rub the sides of my head to help kill the headache that's rattling my brain. Think you can manage that kind of 'relief' or do we need to go to the flow chart for this?" 

As I caught my breath, easier said than done given her grip on me, Sateen stayed fixed on me with a twinkle in her eyes. The pale snake girl sheepishly traced her fingers around the bed sheets like a bashful kid. 

"You think I'm... cute? Uhh, yes, forgive me. Of course I will" she rose up quickly after a moment.

That's all she got out of my rant? These fucking mamono, man. And they say it's men who only think about sex. Ha! 

Sateen moved around to the back of the bed and looked down at me. Even her movement on her snake body was graceful as all fuck. She swayed from one spot to another like she was gently gliding down a river. Carefully, she rubbed her index and middle fingers in a circular motion on the side of my temples. Her delicate touch felt awesome. Maybe not as good as a blow-job but I'm not changing my mind now. 

With Sateen leaning over, I got a much better view of her generous mounds dangling in front of me. Hey, I didn't plan on that happening, nor would she be able to stop it. 

"And no. This isn't foreplay, alright? Just give me a second to refresh my brain" I muttered as I relaxed myself under her massage. 

"Mmm-hmm" Sateen sighed with pleasant smile. 

I could feel my headache lessen with each rotation of her fingers. Either she was a miracle worker or I'm a genius for thinking this course of action would actually work against a headache. The latter was a long shot. I really could have fallen back asleep with her soothing me like this. But this is no time for another nap. I wanted to remember as much as I could about that battle with the Skarliks. 

"Just think out loud. It will help" 

"Let's see... I remember everything until I started unloading a turret gun onto some oncoming grunts. Others were either dropping or running for cover. Uh, what else...? I remember an ugly bald one rushing me and... something about Don Rickles. Some punches and blows came next, I think. Then... something bright, loud, and painful went off, then... ugh man, I can't remember anything else in order. Just random crap like an explosion here and there with scattered gunfire... Oh yeah, a watchtower almost fell on me but, uhm... it may have hit a generator... again. Afterwards, I was still thinking of Don Rickles on Johnny Carson... I remember being on the hood of a moving jeep, but with, hahaha, no driver. Wait! There was a driver; I just shot him, that's all! Then I remember getting sent so high up in the air that I thought I saw Sauron's castle, or Castle Grayskull, one of the two... and Don Rickles making a politically incorrect joke which made me chuckle to myself... At some point, I was wrestling under a fallen tent with a bunch of Skarliks... Then, uh, I was strangling a guy with a rolled up blanket... A grenade was fired straight up and we all ran before it came back down... did it ever come down? Whatever. I scrambled into a weapons tent as I thought about Don Rickl-, urgh! Why in Dante's damp dong did he keep popping into my head!?" 

A ridiculous story is one thing, but pieces of a ridiculous story? Now that's a weapon's grade level of fucked up shit for the listener. 

"It's okay. Don't let this 'Rickles' man bother you. Just calm down and focus" Sateen spoke softy. Her lean fingers pressed a little harder against my head as if they were trying to pacify me. Damn. I give her props. She probably didn't understand a word of what I was saying, but she kept humoring me without complaining. She probably figured me for some kind of a nut. But that's fine in my mind. I might just agree with her diagnosis. Give me some time, and I'll sign the papers to the looney bin myself. 

"Funny how things seem to come to you at the strangest of times, huh?" I scoffed at myself being haunted by the ghost of Don Rickles. "Anyway, not much else to report from that whole ordeal; at least not right now. The only thing left is me berating myself as I fumbled around like I just came from a long, unhealthy party in the south side of Las Vegas. Not sure when exactly I blacked out, but I do remember when I was being carried" 

"Oh, that must have been me carrying you after I found you" 

"Obviously" 

"Is there anything else you remember?" 

"Nah, that's all folks. Time for my diagnosis. Have I lost it, doc?" 

Whatever answer she gave, I would take it. 

"My oh my, that's quite a... fantastic story. I fear that you must have suffered a severe blow to the head. Maybe a concussion"  

I think that's code for 'you have lost it, Jack Torrance' 

"Wouldn't be the first" 

"Oh I do hope it's not but you were mumbling such strange things when I found you" she soothe me with her hand across my scalp. 

"I didn't sing Hakuna Matata, did I?" I joked. 

"With all due respect, you say even stranger things when you're awake than when you're asleep. So I guess that means you're okay" she said matter-of-factly. 

Point taken. 

"Fair enough. At least I didn't scare you off. And at least I made it out of there in two pieces or less. Once the rain stops, I'll just slip on my armor and be on my way" 

"If you don't mind me saying, your wardrobe is not very suited for combat. It's ill-advised to go on without proper protection" she suggested, not stopping her massage. 

"Well no, not in those undergarments of mine. When I'm in an accident, they're there just to give me a little class; if such a thing is possible. But I got all the protection I need. The armor that you removed is top notch" 

She went blank in the face. Stopping her rubbing she said, "Uh... I'm sorry but you were only wearing these garments when I found you. Honest. You had no armor which was even more worrying since you were so unprotected against the rain. The only foreign pieces I found on you were your tool belt and that strange thing you wear on your head" 

'How could that be?' I thought to myself as I returned her blank face. I would have deactivated my helmet, but I wouldn't have taken off my armor. 

"That's crazy. I practically live in my-" Then something came to me in a puff of a flashback. Maybe it was Sateen's massage or just a coincidence, but I recovered another memory. "Hold the memory blanks. I think I might remember something else..." 

"You do? What is it?" 

"Keep rubbing, keep rubbing!" I demanded, noticing her lack of relief. Whether that was jogging my memory or not, it felt too good to stop. "I remember, uh, something big and green towering above me, practically blocking out the sun while I still had one foot in dreamland. I think they had purple hair..." 

Sateen let out a shrill squeak. "Did she have wings?" 

"And a tail to match. You want to fill me in on something, Watson?" 

"Uhm, I think the individual you met was the Dragon who lives in the mountains overlooking this kingdom. She's not very social and rarely comes down from her lair. I don't know why she would have visited you but it is quite an honor to be graced by the presence of a Dragon" 

"Yeah whatever, I'll gush with giddiness as soon as I grow some modesty. If I had to guess, I'd say my battle had set off more than a few bells and whistles. Probably got 'Spyro's Viagra' up there off of her 'holier-than-thou' high-horse to come down and visit us 'peasants'" 

"It is, nevertheless, a privilege to meet a Dragon... even if you weren't necessarily there to appreciate it" 

"Appreciate? The Queen of the Pissing Contest? Oh, that's a bunch of bull" 

"Pardon?" 

Whoops. There goes my native tongue again. 

"What I mean is that they're pompous, self-grandizing, brats" 

"Well... yes. They can be rather found of themselves and quite boisterous about it. They don't even like to talk to anyone less than a ruler. I've only seen one once as Lady Cheishu conversed with them. However I was not allowed to talk. But I suppose with all their power, they have a right to be so proud. Though a Ryu as well-mannered as Lady Cheishu could hardly be called conceited or arrogant" 

"I don't know this 'Cheese Shoe' chick or whatever but I'd say that my Dragon visitor wasn't one for manners" 

"Cheishu" Sateen corrected me, to which I ignored her and continued. 

"I vaguely recall her lifting me up and fumbling me around like a paper doll, even turning me face down in the dirt. Just what a broken body needs, I'm sure. And boy, she must have brought some kind of a cold breeze with her, because I remember feeling much colder than befo-" Then my deductive reasoning finally resurfaced. "Wha-, she must have... oh, ho ho ho. Goddammit!" I laughed maliciously. 

"What's wrong!?" Sateen jumped forward above me at my sudden outburst, nearly ramming her tits into my face. I was too stressed to take a good, healthy heterosexual look. 

"Don't you get it!? You didn't find me with my suit on because of her! That fucking bitch stole my armor like a goddamn yellow-tailed vulture!" 

"Language, please" 

"Why that smartass, egotistical, shitless lizard-slut" I spat with venom, denying her request for civility. "Who the hell does she think she is? 'Graced by her presence', my ass. Some blessing. I slug it out to the edge of my life and that prissy little pony princess gets to reap the spoils? That whore! Oh, what I'm gonna do to her". My rage steamed from my body as I struggled for freedom, now kissing off the soothing sensation of Sateen's body. "That's it! Let me out of here!" 

"But... remember you'll be cold?" 

"Didn't you hear me? Untie me!" I barked as I tried to struggle out of her body. "Tried" is the keyword. 

"Huh? You're not tied up. I'm just coiled around you" 

"I don't care if you epoxied our asses together! Just get off me! I've got a mountain to storm" 

I tried harder and harder to break free from her grip. But fucking hell, she was a lot stronger than me. I was helpless against her intimate embrace. She only looked concerned as she watched me struggle. 

"There's no reason to be this upset" she said in a caringly voice. 

"What!? I'm naked in the arms, eh, I mean, care of a stranger, my head still feels like it moonlit as a bowling ball, and in case you haven't noticed, I've just been robbed. So yeah, 'upset' just about covers it!" 

"But you mustn't fret. I can offer you some coins to purchase a new set. Would you like that?" 

Terrific. Now she thinks I'm a loser in desperate need of charity. Finally, her caring nature was starting to aggravate me. All it did was make me feel incompetent. Next thing you know, she'll be willing to donate a kidney for the poor dumbass in need. Fuck that. My pride wouldn't accept a welfare check. 

"There is no fucking replacing my armor. Light-weight, repairable, and tactical as fuck; it's one of a kind! And besides, I don't take kindly to being ransacked! Look, I'm getting out of here right now. Keep your damn charity and-"

"Wait" she shrieked loud enough to cut off my rant. She swiftly slithered around from the back and into the bed next to me. My keen interest turned to entrancement as Sateen embraced my head like a child cuddling their teddy bear. Tightly, I might add, and I'm not just talking about her upper half. My face came to rest just above the 'Y' in her taunting cleavage. No I was not too stressed to ignore it this time. Even though she was wearing that white kimono, it was so strained against her mammaries that it was impossible to not make out how big they were. That also made it impossible for me not to get aroused, something I'd been trying to steer my mind clear of. But now I had two big problems. Her cushy skin captivated me like her supple melons pressing against my chin and cheeks. She smelled as fresh and pure as nature itself. Similar to the moist atmosphere of a freshwater river in the Spring. And as you might expect, it stirred up those Springtime instincts for men after a long pent-up winter, if you get my drift. Emergency alert! I could feel myself hardening up fast. 

"This will calm you down, yes?" 

'Calm' wasn't exactly the right word. 

"Now don't try... mmpphh... distr-... Get... Urrrgh... Let... go!" I muffled through her booby trap. 

"I guess not. Let's see... I could calm you by massaging your body. Would that be better?" she said inquisitively. Next, her coils began to shift about, gently but firmly kneading my frame like a baker would some dough over some flour. Reminded me of a marsh pit with a rowdy crowd, except much more inviting thanks to her fantastic body. My face lowered deeper into her tremendous boobs that pumped up and down with her deep breaths. Again... I'm not sure 'calm' was the right word for this predicament but 'invigorating' sure was. Physiotherapy by a busty anaconda; I'd take some more of this at night. 

But enough jokes. 

"I don't want 'calm', I want out! Pronto!" I blurted as I struggled to not to be muffled or crushed by her tender loving care. In my head, I was fighting as hard as I could to resist her carnal appeal and keep my mast down. And that sure wasn't easy. 

She said nothing and stared glassy-eyed down at me. But not really looking at me, though. 

"Hey! Hello!? Yo, am I coming through up there, snake eyes!?" 

Finally she snapped out of her trance. "Oh, oh! I apologize. I got... uh... lost my focus there. But as I said, I've just never been so close to a man before. Especially not one with such a strong spiritual essence..." she murmured lustfully, starting drift off like before. 

I did it again, didn't I? 

"Yeah I know. I got regular balls of fire. Now get me out of this motorboat and let me go!" I growled, fuming at the mouth. But I'm sure the fact that my blood was boiling just toasted up my body even more for her. 

As Sateen released my head, I noted the increasing sorrow on her face. She looked ready to burst.  "You do find me repulsive, don't you? Oh, gods. I can't even pleasure a man. I'll never find love" she sobbed with a quivering lip.

"What? You think you repulse me? What kind of a limp-dick jackass do you take me for? Any guy that can't get a stiffy around someone as gorgeous as you must be a eunuch"  

Now why the hell was I taking time out of my hot-headed grit to comfort this girl? Who still hadn't released me, I might add. Maybe because she had shown me nothing but compassion since I woke up? Was her sincerity and loving nature infectious? Could be. I found that to be a pretty attractive quality. But knowing how pissed I currently was, it was hard to believe how some comforting words managed to slip out of my vulgar mouth. 

"You... you really think so?" 

"Of course I do. Where I come from, tits even half as big as yours are rare" 

Sateen's eyes blinked with stars of hope. "So maybe you will be satisfied if I just..." she mewed while peeling open her kimono, showing off just how much more cleavage she had to offer. I bet her puppies were happy to peek out of that tight dog house of hers. She was clearly not used to flirting with guys but she was pretty fucking competent for a beginner. 

"Uhh, woah... No! Don't distract me anymore with those hooters! I've got more important matters on my mind" I said as I resumed my mental battle against her alluring, albeit bashful, temptations. 

In spite of what came out of my mouth, her behavior and body proved to be too much for my instincts to handle. 

Sateen's pretty eyes popped from their sockets and she looked down. It took me a second to realize what had caught her attention. It was the fact that a certain part of me had managed to fully stand up.  

Great, my trouser snake was pressing up pretty hard against the other snake. And... she could feel it. Fuck. Like the Kingdom Hearts timeline, things just keep getting more complicated. 

She looked back at me. The stars in her eyes had gone 2 fold. "I guess you really don't find me repulsive. Are you sure you don't want to have sex?" 

"Hey, that Dragon is the one who can get fucked. Not me". My voice wasn't as ferocious as I had hoped. I was fueled by embarrassment. 

"Well, you seem to be ready" 

"The circus going on down there is my business, not yours" 

"It's okay. There's nothing to be ashamed of. Your size is quite... enthralling" I'll save that comment for my self esteem once I calm down. "I'm still willing to relieve you of your stress but only if that's what you truly want" she shuffled timidly while her pale face burned as red as the Cleveland Indians' Chief Wahoo. 

"Now don't change the subject. A guy's smaller guy may have a mind of his own but my brain is not out to lunch. I want to go have a chat with that Dragon" I reiterated as I started turning red like her. It wasn't just the awkward things that "came up" in our conversation that turned me red. I was still struggling in vain to break free of her bindings. 

She watched curiously as I thrashed my head around. No matter how much I groaned like a weightlifter with too much ambition, I couldn't feel one bit of give in her coils. 

"Are you trying to get out?" 

"Gee, what tipped you off!? You haven't felt me struggling against you for the past five minutes?" I sneered breathlessly. 

"Uhm. No, I couldn't tell. It didn't feel like much resistance to me so I didn't think twice about it. I thought you were just the fidgety type... Sorry" she shrugged. 

That did it. I stopped moving and just stared off and frowned. There was still strength in me, but I just lost all will to continue in my macho escape. Because my male ego just took a blow. I knew she was stronger than me but I didn't think she was that much stronger. What was the point in trying? I'd only be humiliating myself even further.

Even more demoralizing was when I thought of how dangerous this predicament could be. Someone as freakishly strong as Sateen could easily crush rocks with her snake half. And here I was right smack in the middle. Perhaps I should thank whatever god is out there that Sateen had a docile disposition. 

"Well if you're finally done fantasizing, I'll spell out what I've said for the past five minutes: Let. Me. Get. Up. Now! Do I have to hiss it to you or something!?" 

She paused for a few seconds before responding. "You don't care that you'll be cold?" 

"Bring on the cold, the ice, the snow, and Jack fucking Frost's slushy scrotum! Just get off me!" I hollered, finally reaching my limit with her overwhelming concern over me. 

Boy, I could use some ice between my legs right about now. 

"Yes. Right away" 

Slowly, her tight tail slackened from around me, almost like she was hesitating to let go. 'Right away', huh?

As more and more of my body was freed, it felt like stepping out of a pool of water after you've gotten so used to the water's temperature; the much cooler air aggressively engulfed my physique that started at the chest and worked its way down. But it made no difference to me. Once enough of my body was free, I immediately scrambled and kicked my way out of the rest of her tail and tumbled onto the floor with a thud. Sateen gasped at my little dismount. 

I stood up instantly and threw my arms around, stretching out. Save for the spot in which I hit the floor, there was a surprising lack of pain in my body, not that I'm bitching but it was odd. I may have been mostly out of it at the time, but I definitely remember my body screaming in pain as I roamed about after the fight. Now I felt like I woke up from a good night's rest; and I got to sleep until noon as well. Woohoo. But I couldn't figure out why.  

I didn't need a clue to figure out that it had something to do with my scaly rescuer. Considering that my head was the only part that wasn't "submerged" in Sateen's coils, which coincidentally was the only other part that still ached like before, it must have been her body... somehow. 

It worth looking into but not right now. I was up and ready to go. And considering how rejuvenated my body was, I really felt like kicking someone's ass. Good start in my book.  

I turned back to Sateen. She stared at me in awe before a coy smile appeared. Curling her shoulders inwards, she folded her hands together and clenched in suppressed excitement.  

It felt so damn good to move again, that I had forgot that I was, in fact, wearing my 'birthday clothes' under there. You decide who was more excited; Sateen staring at me like an adolescent who snuck into a strip club or my still present erection staring back at her. And boy what an erection it was. Snuggling with her did more of a number on me than I thought. Here it was pointing back to which it was born. 

My eyes briefly jumped between my hard-on and the horny serpent before blurting "Oh, shit!" and looking for cover. Do you know what it's like to try and hide an all-powerful hardon with just your hands? Hopefully you never will. So I scrambled about, looking for anything to get back my dignity. I opted for a nearby frying pan to hide my green eggs and ham. Well, my pink eggs and sausage, I suppose.  

Once I was covered, I found Sateen chewing on her finger like an perverted voyeur as she watched me. She was completely oblivious to my frantic case of hysteria.  

"What's the matter with you? You still believe in the birds and bees story? Now hand me my clothes!" 

"Oh-oh my, I forgot!" she shrieked as she quickly gathered my clothes and hid out of sight behind the bed. "They're still damp..." 

"I don't give two shits if they've been dipped in that nasty-ass Lake Victoria. Give 'em here!" I shouted as I dropped the frying pan in my outburst. Once I reached down and stood back up with the frying pan, I was hit in the face with my clothes. "Good, now stay back there. You've seen enough" I insisted, flushed a sunburn red. 

Slipping back into my damp, cold clothes helped shrink the boner I'd been sporting. Good, the small soldier was sent back into the bunker. After I got dressed, I checked my equipment. Minus one valuable armor set, I still had my head gear, my utility belt with some minor damages, and my pride and joys; the LAD-42 handguns. Thank Christ. 

But the family reunion was cut short. "Fuck!" I shouted out, startling Sateen.  

"What's the matter now?" 

"Nevermind. It's alright" 

It really wasn't alright, you big fat liar. This was bad. Really bad. My portal tracking device was heavily damaged from the fight earlier. It was partially fried and pretty much cracked in half. Maybe I could do something to repair it back at the lab, but that was too optimistic a thought for me to believe. You can only patch up a Pinto so much before you realize you're better off walking. Now I would be left in the dark if any more portals turned up. Fucking terrific. 

"Oh... that device was already damaged when I found you" she said, probably noticing me sulking over my tracker like a kid mourns a broken toy. "What was it for?" 

"I refer you to my first statement" 

"But why did you-" 

"Look, just tell me where this Dragon's cave is". Now that I had adrenaline pumping through me, I was eager to take out my volcanic anger about my tracker on that Dragon. And I didn't want to unload even more than I already had on poor Sateen.

"Well... it's up in the mountains. But that's a difficult journey since there's no trails that lead there. You see, she's very private" 

"I'll give her as much privacy as she gave me. How do I find her cave?" 

She nodded. "Okay, uh, if you go about two miles South along the trail outside, you will come to the ruins of a small fortress. If you look at the largest mountain, you might be able to see the entrance to her lair" 

Vague but what else did I have to go on? I doubt I could charter a Griffon to fly my ass up there. 

"Fair enough. I'll figure it out from there" 

"You should know that it is rather far and treacherous to reach without the ability to fly. If you don't mind me saying, you might just want to forget about your armor. Even if you did manage to reach her lair, it will probably be frivolous since it's impossible to convince a Dragon to part with any of their horde. If you must, might I recommend a Ren Xiongmao friend of mine to help you negotiate with her?" 

"Negotiate? Fuck that, she stole from me" 

"Oh... well, uhh, if you aren't going to negotiate, then how else are you going to get you armor back?" 

She really can't figure this out? She was as pure minded as she was buxom. 

"Let me think..." I hissed, words dripping with condescension. "I'll say 'please' right before I grab it. How does that sound?" 

"But... she's not going to let you leave with it" 

I scowled at her and cocked my eyebrow like a confident tough guy. "Do I look like I'm gonna take 'no' for an answer?" 

Sateen audibly shrieked, complete with both hands over her 'O' shaped mouth. Her snake-like pupils narrowed in fear even more that they already were. "You mean... y-you're going to battle her?" 

"Hey, you finally figured it out. Give yourself a cookie" I said with a deriding grin. "That's right. If she plans on throwing a hissy fit on me, then I'll just have to flog the bitch" 

"But, but, but you're not going up there alone, are you?" 

"What makes you think I'm not? I don't have a squad anymore, and I'm not one to procrastinate" 

She gracefully slithered over and grasped my arm. For once, she wasn't bashful enough to keep eye contact with me. "Look I know you feel indignant but you can't battle a Dragon alone. You will need significant forces with you" 

"No backup, no choice. And there's only enough spoils in this for one victor. Besides, what's so high and mighty about a Dragon anyway? In my eyes, she's just a tightwad with a fetish for shiny things" 

"No one questions the strength of a Dragon. The people and mamono in these parts are not powerful enough to challenge her, even if they wanted to" 

"Oh get over it. A Dragon is just a big lizard with too much hot air. And way too big of an ego" 

"No one else seems to mind her. Nor does she cause problems for anyone else. She mostly just keeps to herself" 

"Well I sure as hell can't say that about her! And I can't stand arrogant people. Now if we're done here, I'll just go up there and pop her ego" 

"She's not evil. She helps keep the Order out of these parts" 

"Let her keep her job as a watch-dog. I'm not going to take that away from her. I'm only taking my property back" 

"But it's so foolish to act so bull-headed!" she pleaded. 

"Well good decisions tend to elude me"  

"I beg you to reconsider. You'll surely anger her and then face her fury" 

"So? Let her be stubborn. I can be just as stubborn" I sneered as I opened the door to leave. 

"But how do you even plan on battling her?" she called to me. 

"I don't know. I'm making it up as I go" I muttered unconfidently back at her. No fibbing here people. Sad but true. 

"Please wait!" Sateen called again. I could see the despair in her eyes as she followed me out the door. She really was concerned for my safety, even though I would probably not see her again after this. Touching. 

"I... I want you to understand that I cannot stop you, but I don't wish to see you harmed; or worse. But if you feel you must battle her, then I wish you the best of luck. Also, may I suggest that you engage her inside her cave? A Dragon can turn into her monstrous form which would spell doom for you. However, she won't likely turn into her true form while inside her lair and risk her own safety or her horde" she said. 

The look on her face immediately switched to that of surprise as she became flabbergasted at her own words. I don't think that she could believe she had just gave some tactical combat advice to someone looking for a fight. I was shocked myself. Something tells me that a Ryu's shrine is not a place that sees much hardcore action; combat action, I mean. Pretty good for a first try considering the biggest concern in her workplace would be if the pools had enough chlorine. 

Just look at her now. One afternoon with me and she's taken up some hanky-panky, voyeurism, and strategic assault. Just wait until her shrine co-workers hear the new vocabulary she learned from me. 

"Really? Not a bad place to start. Catch her on the toilet..." I chimed. 

"Please, are you sure that you'd rather go on this dangerous quest of yours instead of staying here and letting me embrace- ah, I mean tend to you?" she implored, failing to hide the hope in her quivering voice. 

"'Cuddle'. What you meant to say is 'cuddle'. You want me to stay here and cuddle with you. Why do you keep bringing that up? Don't you have something for these night-terrors of yours? Didn't you own a damn teddy bear growing up? Or a man-doll or something?" I snapped.  

Full grown men have women dolls growing up... big ones... that offer lots of comfort.

However, considering what was likely in store for me once I raided the Dragon's lair, snuggling with Sateen was a damn inviting alternative. But like she said earlier, I've got a talent for being bull-headed. 

"I can't help it. It's just that... I'm very cold right now. The blanket will help me, but I was much more comfortable holding you" 

Son of a bitch, how could I forget? My cold-blooded savior needed some in-door heating. There are several alternatives for getting warm, but for a mamono, the choice of laying with a guy kind of landslides the competition. 

I couldn't leave her like this. 

"Just a second" I sighed as I grabbed a wet log from outside and threw it into the stove. Lucky for her I had a fire potion in my coat. A few drops of that stuff was like a cup of lighter fluid and a match all in one; dampness be damned. Within seconds, the fluid gave Sateen a roaring fire to keep herself thawed out. Nope. No need for any marshmallows here since she already had two massive marshmallows on her chest to roast. 

"There you go, ol' Angel Cake" I gibed. Maybe I should have thought of making a fire earlier but cut me a break. Who could think logically when you wake up bound and nuzzled against a bubby-heavy snake babe? You're attention would be preoccupied too. 

As I walked toward the door, she called out to me again. 

"Wait" What the hell does she need now? "Thank you so much for this" she said with a smile as warm as the fire. "If you ever need me, you can find me at the Ryu's temple about seven miles north of here. It's overlooking the small town of Crimdale. I wish you the best and hope to see you again. Thank you for letting me serve you and for helping me stay warm" 

"Don't mention it, Snow White. As long as I'm guaranteed some privacy, maybe I'll stop in for a dip in the hot springs. In the meantime, adieu" I half-grinned in a 'too cool' kind of way as I stepped out the door. 

"Wait" she called again. Holy shit, can't I just leave already!? Turning around Sateen retrieved a small bag next to the stove and brought it to me. "I made you a sandwich for the road. Please take it" she said through a tight smile. 

Get this chick; pandering me like Veina does. She'll make a great mother. That is if she can muster up the guts to talk to a guy without the panic attacks. My misplaced sense of independence told me to toss the bag in the trash but my stomach insisted that I take it. Hell, it might be my last meal so suck it up you twat. At least now no one was around to see me take it. The last time I took a lunch bag was from my mother back in gradeschool. Little prepubescent Jason got teased mercilessly by the other twerps for the next year. Ahh, emotional scars. 

Reaching out to take it, Sateen abruptly leaned forward and hugged me tenderly. No coils this time. "Please... come back safe. If you feel you must confront the Dragon, then do not let your frustration cloud your judgement. I don't think this Dragon should have taken your armor, but please keep remember that she is not the malicious villain that you picture her in your mind. She is still a mamono. Just do what you think is right. I'll pray to Lady Cheishu for your safety and the Dragon's. And I truly have enjoyed our time together" she whispered before backing off and bowing to me. "Thank you for allowing me to serve you". Her soft, sympathetic gaze lingered on me for a moment before she begrudgingly left to return to the stove. She coiled her snake half around her top and snuggled under the blanket in front of the fire.  

Even with her lusty smirk, I could sense that there was a deep compassion behind that dutiful demeanor of hers. She really wanted me to stay. The cynic in me says she just wanted to embrace me so she could get her temperature up as well as her jollies at the same time. But deep down, something else told me that her motives weren't quite so hollow... 

"Every little bit helps, right?" I murmured as I passed on the thought and shut the door behind me. With a deep breath, I set off to slay myself a Dragon. I'll beat her down like my throbbing skull was beating me down. 

—–

After a few twists and turns, I arrived at the ruined fortress and spotted the cave with my binoculars; a pretty damn long hike. My feet still hurt like a motherfucker, but hey, they weren't bleeding yet, so what's another couple miles? But at least Sateen's ham sandwich was pretty good. 

Along the way, I reached the route I took toward the portal site. So I figured a stop at my cart was a good idea. I'd need to resupply on resources and weapons. 

Thankfully, my horse and cart were still there. Good thing he wasn't too picky about the other half of Sateen's sandwich, because that was all he was gonna get. I retrieved fresh ammo for my firearms and a few of my elixirs. Good to have some options for chemical warfare. I also took a couple of my newer inventions that I'd left behind. Granted, these items were still prototypes, but now was as good a time as ever for some field testing. And besides, I didn't really have a fucking choice. But maybe there was something at the nearby portal site I could use...

Cautiously, I entered the Skarlik camp from before; what a fucking scene. You talk about a warzone, this was it. Lots of smoldering debris, collapsed tents, blown apart dugouts, and various Skarlik bodies littered about. Some of them looked like they got a clean death, others... not so lucky. Easy enough for me to stomach since years of watching trashy movies had solidified me to gory scenes.

I could lie to myself and say that I was a super-soldier and that I caused this amount of damage. That might bode well for me in my upcoming showdown with the Dragon. But don't bullshit yourself, you pompous dick. Your memory may elude you but with Sateen having to rescue your ass meant it was most likely just some stupid luck. Again.

Regardless, I couldn't help but wonder just what in the blue Hell I did earlier? It was like Texas Chainsaw Massacre set in the city dump. A jeep was stuck in a tree. The fuck? A line of five Skarliks were impaled on a single pole. Uhhh... okay. A turret gun's barrel was completely U-turned. Strange. Apples, yeah apples, were everywhere. Perhaps that tree got blasted from the ground... somehow... and flew across the camp before landing on those Skarliks? Don't know what else could explain Isaac Newton's inspiration having been rained down all over the place. Even some apples had fallen onto a computer keypad and almost spelled a dirty word. At least I could eat them as a snack. 

Part of a generator was still spinning, even though a Skarlik's mangled body was lodged in the end of it, ridiculously dragging the corpse around. A motor's engine had exploded and fired like a cannonball straight through another generator and probably a few Skarliks too. Yuck.

Just what in fuckest of fuckups happened here?

Among the carnage was a severed Skarlik head. It reminded me a little of Don Rickles. Ah, so this was the motherfucker who put that thought in my head. What an asshole.

But enough site seeing. Any Skarliks that were here were dead or already pulled out. Looked like they salvaged the majority of supplies from the camp on their way out. That left me alone to pick up the scraps the camp might have. Especially the armory. That was my primary goal and nothing could stand in my way. Except for some unopened cans of rations. Mine!

It wasn't too long however until I found what was once called the armory. Only now it looked a deep crater. I'm no Dick Tracy; I'm just a dick. But even I could tell that a big bang had gone boom there. Any number of things, like ammo crates or explosives, could have got caught in the crossfire. And think about it; a single match is all it takes to start the fireworks, folks. Only scrips and scraps remained, so there wasn't much to salvage, thanks to my well thought out surprise attack. 

I didn't have much luck with the rest of the camp, which was looking more like a goddamn scrap yard. This Skarlik unit may have been armed, but still didn't have much in the way of reserves. And after my last visit, their limited supplies decreased even more. Some medical assets along with a few more rations and water refills were nice, but not enough for me to break out in a happy little dance. I would have been happier if I had a way to haul away some of the larger shattered machinery for spare parts, so boo hoo.

Between the disintegrated armory and the rest of the camp, I did find some weaponry. Most of them were broken, making them as useless as a Civil War musket, while others were okay but not battle-savy anymore. A few hours spent in the shop, and I might be able to revive them, but I wasn't near my shop now, was I?

One useful thing that wasn't damaged was a few packs of heavy duty batteries. These babies were the equivalent of five car batteries in a single compact, portable design. Finally some good news. Other than those, there wasn't much useful at the moment. Not much to help me in my confrontation with the Dragon. Motherfucker, I had hoped for much bigger spoils after my victory. Sure, just destroy all context and you could call this a victory for me.

Spoils or not, I had to find that Dragon and begin the ass kicking; whether it was my ass or her ass that got kicked had yet to be determined. Out of the frying pan and into the fire. There's something for you folks to read between the lines.

Equipped with my guns, elixirs, batteries, and prototype weapons, I moved out and hoped that I could convince myself of being ready for this. Spoiler alert: I couldn't. But I was too pissed at this Dragon to let a little detail like that stop me. Fueling my blind rage was the detail of how the hell I was going to track any more portals now that my device had expired past it's warranty. Dammit, I didn't know what to do now. But let's worry about one shitty situation at a time. If the Dragon snuffs out my life, hey, it saves me the bother.

The base of the mountain wasn't too far from the camp, actually. Only one small detail: I now had to confront the fact that there wasn't a path up to this cave. Just sections of very uneven ground, with the rest being flat-out climbing. Some may not have been a vertical climb, but it was steep enough to make me feel like it was, thanks in no small part to my equipment. Fuck, and here I was, having left my life-line cable in my other pants.

Oh well. Up, up, and away.

—–

My journey up through the rocks without a life line was as fun as parachuting with an untested parachute. I could see my destination on the biggest mountain, but getting there was a whole different story. The easiest areas were the flat spots where I could just walk. Everything else was a different kind of pain in the ass for me. They ranged from inclined terrains that were really slippery and difficult to grasp to the other extreme of having to climb straight up. It was tough as Hell on my hands and feet, even with my gloves and boots. Worst of all were the detours. Whether it was rockslides, unclimbable rock walls, cliffs, or some other fucking obstacle, I had to take several alternate routes.

The most alarming detour came when I spotted a four-pack of Black Harpies hanging out on a flat area that I'd been waiting to come across.

I could shimmy along the back of their spot, then up the wall, or I could whip out my weapons and waste some ammo driving them off. Gee, two ways to get myself fucked. Let's go with the former.

But through all the snags this treacherous as fuck mountain threw at me, this valiant hero was too dedicated in seeking out justice to give up now. That, and the son of a bitch just never knew when to quit.

After what usually felt like an eternity, I stopped for another much needed break. I usually took one once I found a spot that I could actually sit down comfortably, which was rarer than I would have liked. Luckily, I brought along three separate canteens that I filled with water at the camp. 

As I drank up, I ignored my promise and stupidly looked down. Ah, fuck me with a cheese-grader. I must have been almost one-hundred yards up. With all my huffing, I could tell the air was starting to get thinner. And my equipment was as helpful to me as an anchor is to someone who skipped swimming class. Maybe I would suffocate and not have to fight this Dragon. If only.

While I caught my breath, I found myself thinking of Veina again. Seriously, you dick-brained idiot? You're about to trespass into the home of big chameleon with a nasty disposition, and yet you're still harping on whether or not you have a soft spot for that she-devil?

Yes, I suppose I was harping on that. Maybe I did have soft spot. After all, she did give me deeper insight into mamono. She said they loved someone as much as they lusted for them. That look in Veina's eyes served as proof of that. So the more I thought about Veina, just maybe...

What are you doing you stupid bastard? Did you forget that she's a fucking Demon? That her kind is known for their mind games?

But she seems to really mean what she says.

So she's nice; big deal, you sucker. You think lying is something that only humans are great at?

She's put up with me for so long now. No matter how much of a dick I was.

Interesting choice of words there, friend. The fact that you were a dick just enthralled her even more. What does that tell you!?

Not what I meant.

I know exactly what you meant. A beautiful girl putting up with a cynical son of a bitch like you? That alone raises some suspicions. 

But why put up with it this long though? What's to gain from it?

Oh gee, let me think... a new fucking pet, for instance? A new recruit? An XP boost to her Demonic power thanks to that cave dweller you got between your legs? All of the above? And I'm not just talking about Veina. I'm talking about all mamono. They're all just dying to fill their engines with some guy's gas nozzle.

Well I haven't seen any evidence that suggests that they're forcing men to be their obedient little dogs for their own amusement. Maybe mamono culture isn't as malicious as I thought.

Listen dumbass. When an old, friendly lady comes up to your house with sweets, you don't need to be Snow White to know that you'd better be packing a .45 magnum. Did you forget that she works for the radicals? That bitch Druella is the puppeteer hiding behind the curtain. And her mommy has a bad Napoleon complex. Trusting them would be no better than trusting a fucking Kardashian with the presidency... again.

But what if she really does love me? I don't think I'm ready for that, but I couldn't live with myself if I decide to freeze her out.

Oh yeah? Then how do you feel about growing six-inch horns on your skull and a nine-inch horn in your crotch, huh?

Shit, you're right; I forgot about that. Mamono's demonic energy ends up turning dudes into Incubi. Fully armed with a raging boner and an unlimited supply of man-juice.

Just how the Demon Lord likes it. Veina, too.

But wait. With my magic-immunity, could I even become an Incubus?

I'd say that there's a strong chance of that. Sex does it, and Veina's hell-bent on giving you plenty of that because she's nice that way, isn't she? If you're stupid enough to give her your yogurt slinger for the night, you might not be able to stop. It'd be like a drug; enough to maybe turn you into an addict. And the subject of addicts doesn't come up until you are one.

Is it really that bad? The thought of doing it with Veina has crossed my mind more than a few times. And I've got to say, the prospect of exploring all of Veina is really inviting. Maybe becoming an Incubus would be better for me.

Oh boy, now you've lost it asshole. After you become a monstrous fitness model with the priorities of a teenage boy, you just assume that you would be the same person you are now? Even if her kind doesn't enslave guys, becoming an Incubus probably isn't just a physical transformation. What guarantee is there that you'll be the same person you are now? None, and you know it. You may trust her on a certain level but she isn't like you; a human. She's a mamono. Even though both species are compatible in the most fun of ways, they still see things differently. Where you come from, they don't have any magic at their disposal, much less know the most ethical way to use it. How much is going too far? Tinkering with a guy's mind and his humanity certainly isn't going too far in mamono's sexually charged eyes. What if you aren't actually immune, only... resistant? Are you willing to take the chance of sacrificing your humanity for a sweet... very sweet piece of ass? You may be a major league asshole, but that is still the original 'you' after all. It's all you fucking have left. And Hollywood has shown you how bad remakes are. Also, were all the other guys who became Incubi willing to sacrifice their humanity before they changed? What were they like before and how different are they now? Did they get a choice? What do you say to that, huh? So let's not abandon the subject of brainwashing just yet. Or have you lost it too much to give anything she says even a shred of critical thought?

I haven't lost it.

Yes, you fucking have.

What makes you say that?

In case you haven't noticed, you've been talking to yourself. Dipshit.

Son of a bitch, he was right. Uh, I mean I was right! I was having a two-way conversation with myself this whole time.

Goddamn mountain air.

I figured I should get my ass back to climbing and occupy my mind with something else before I start hearing a third voice. Something like trying not to fall to my death before I reached the top of the mountain to fight the strongest monster around these parts. That's a much healthier state of mind.

With a little more motivation than usual, I finally managed to reach my destination. After having to reroute myself up the mountainous terrain, it probably took me around three and a half hours to make it here. I stood up and found myself at the entrance to the cave. It was as imposing as most cave entrances are. The path leading in looked well-worn, like something big and heavy regularly traveled here. Gulp. I couldn't tell if the cave was natural or that big and heavy thing had carved itself a home right into the rock here. Dark on the inside with probably a family of bats ready to fly out like in the movies. Stalactites hung from the ceiling at the opening like a giant, hungry mouth; and I was the sour pill that hoped to cure this cave's bad case of heart-burn. The opening was bigger than it had looked from a distance, but still not big enough to house an old-school sized Dragon. So Sateen's advice looked promising.

After taking a moment to catch my breath and get another swig from my canteen, I gave a quick inventory check and I entered the cave like the man on a mission that I was. Simple, right? Keep the fight on the inside the cave and be smart. Got it. And if things aren't going according to plan, just remember one thing...

You don't have any reinforcements to back your ass up, so do better, loser!